Decoding Communication: Listening for Facts, Attitudes, Emotions, and Needs

Part of the “A Problem Solver’s Approach to Listening” series

A key component of effective listening is discerning what to listen for. Without a grasp of the underlying issues a speaker is trying to convey, a listener may struggle to respond appropriately. But how do we know what to listen for? Our first approach to this open-ended problem looks at how SSLD uses an analytic approach to break statements down into four content areas to comprehend a speaker’s intent.

The Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System (SSLD) is an intervention system conceived by Professor Ka Tat Tsang that emphasizes a needs based approach to communication and relationships. One of the techniques in SSLD dissects statements into Facts, Attitudes, Emotions, and Needs to build a clearer picture of the speaker’s message.

Let’s consider a sample disagreement:

• Person A: “Why do you always leave your things lying around? It’s so frustrating!”
• Person B: “I don’t ‘always’ leave my things around; you’re exaggerating.”
• Person A: “It sure feels like ‘always’ to me. Just look at this room! Your stuff is everywhere.”
• Person B: “Well, maybe if you weren’t so obsessive about tidiness, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

From a third party perspective, it’s evident that the argument is not progressing well. What might be some of the causes behind this poor communication? Let’s break it down:

Facts

Facts comprise of specific information given, including the words used by a speaker. Facts are directly stated, and they are often the most apparent content area for listeners to focus on. However, fixating on facts may lead a listener to overlook the broader message.

In the argument, Person A points out that Person B always leaves things everywhere, and Person B responds by honing in on Person A’s word choice of “always.” This leads to Person A reasserting their stance in defense. As a result, both sides end up fixating on the facts instead of listening to each other’s perspectives and feelings.

By arguing over facts, conflicts can go on forever because people often have differing opinions that they’re unwilling to change (look at the US two-party political system for example). Thus, effective listening involves hearing more than just the facts.

Attitudes

Attitudes are beliefs and perspectives. These range from obvious expressions (when a student exclaims, “I hate studying!”) to nuanced and context dependent statements (when a mother says “my son isn’t that smart” in social contexts that discourage bragging). Listening for attitudes can involve understanding the reasoning behind a speaker’s beliefs and the manner in which they presented certain facts.

For instance, from the argument, consider Person A’s complaint about Person B leaving things around the place. Perhaps the two have different attitudes towards what is an acceptable level of messiness? Additionally, Person B seems to believe that being too “obsessive about tidiness” is a negative trait, maybe due to some of their past experiences regarding the issue.

Attitudes reveal how someone feels about facts, and those feelings play an important role in that person’s overall mindset. They can also contribute to the next content area: emotions.

Emotions

If attitudes are how a person feels about certain facts, emotions are how they feel about the situation as a whole. Emotions influence a speaker’s tone, word choice, and even their memory (for example, anger can lead to tunnel-vision).

Empathizing with emotional content can inform a listener on how to respond. For example, when faced with an angry speaker, a considerate listener might initially give them some space to cool down before reinitiating communication to a more open mind.

Returning to the argument, some of the emotions at play may include:

• Frustration from both parties
• Anger and defensiveness from Person B feeling verbally attacked by Person A
• Tiredness from Person A feeling burdened with always cleaning up after Person B

The prevalence of so much negative emotion complicates the ability of both parties to listen and communicate effectively, frequently leading to unmet needs.

Needs

SSLD considers communication as a way to fulfill an unmet need. Often, these needs are not explicitly stated during conversations due to parties lacking awareness or understanding of their current needs. Consequently, listening can be a process of discovery to learn what someone’s needs are and how to meet them. A listener may draw on information from the other content areas to deduce these needs.

Looking back to the argument, let’s attempt to identify some of each person’s needs:

• Person A complaining about messiness and feelings of frustration could indicate a need for feeling in control through orderliness
• Person B seems to believe that it’s ok to leave some things around. Perhaps they have an unmet need to be understood by person A
• Despite the negative emotions displayed, both parties may be driven by a shared need to feel valued and accepted

To help uncover unmet needs, a listener can focus on determining:

• What is this person trying to achieve?
• What might contribute to their well-being or help them feel better?
• What are they avoiding or afraid of?

The Four Content Areas

Key Takeaways

We can split communication into four main content areas: Facts, Attitudes, Emotions, and Needs:

• Facts: explicitly stated content
• Attitudes: beliefs and perspectives
• Emotions: how someone feels overall
• Needs: what someone is trying to achieve through communication

As listeners, we can use these areas as guides for what to listen for and make informed decisions on how to respond and provide support.

References

If you’re interested in learning more about SSLD, an introductory course is available on Coursera.

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